Today, Nokubonga Mbanga, Leadership Coach and our weekly contributor, continues the discussion around self-esteem as she shares her last 5 tips and ideas on the topic.
Building Self-Esteem that Works – Part 3
Lets look at the last 5 techniques which I have practiced, with myself and with my clients, over the years, which have stood the test of time:
Practice superior self care
Nurture your internal space with positive reinforcements that are based on facts. This means standing in front of a mirror reciting, “I am worthy”, 3 times a day every day, with no examples or meaning attached to it, is a fruitless exercise. I would encourage you to rather affirm, “I am worthy” with examples which confirms that, so that when life challenges that same belief, you have enough examples of how you have shown up a worthy person. This techniques centers your core beliefs and when the world shakes them negatively, you affirm them with evidence that keeps your core intact. You continue to have clarity about who you are, regardless of external forces which base their opinions on one encounter.Master self-celebration
When you appreciate what you have done you send messages to yourself that you are capable, good enough, worthy and you deserve. Your mind starts to register the memories that are vital when you are paralysed by fear or are feeling unworthy. Celebrating you, does not have to be an expensive exercise at the spa, it can be as small and crazy as jumping with joy when you experience a positive act. I scream with excitement when I am approached to go and speak at an event or collaborate with other coaches. The feeling and gratitude is instant and your mind registers it immediately and that feeling stays in your heart & mind.
Learn to be kind
How could I have embarrassed myself like that, I am a fool to have thought I could be successful in my career….
When you live with low self esteem, making a mistake is the worst thing you can do, you torture and belittle yourself for weeks or months and perhaps years. There is no space to forgive at all, one silly mistake becomes a reminder of how bad or unworthy a person you are. Embrace making mistakes because you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable and we learn who we are and what we are capable of when we make mistakes. Learn to be kind by forgiving yourself and by learning from your experiences.
Let perfect evolve
A perfectionist is yearning for love and acceptance and is afraid of rejection. External validation is at the core of their behaviour and if no one sees their greatness they nullify everything. When someone validates them they still do not feel it is good enough. They are never satisfied with anything because it must be perfect to be accepted, and the sad reality is perfect is illusive. I encourage you as a recovering perfectionist to let perfect evolve. Set measures of success and if everything ticks, celebrate and then look at ways of making it better instead of looking for faults. Playing perfect kills your self-esteem because you live with “I am not enough dialogue”. I would encourage you to learn to embrace continuous improvement.
Use language that affirms high self-esteem
Learn to use language that encourages you to see yourself in good light, a language that operates from a space of abundance or possibilities because words create. You can’t be building a healthy self-esteem when you continue to call yourself a “fool” when you not happy with an outcome. You cannot continue to utter “useless” when it’s not perfect. Instead, focus your language on how can you make it better. Begin to channel your energy towards what you want to create or what you want to be and experience.
In my experience of coaching on self-esteem, I have met many extraordinary human beings that have produced amazing work professionally and personally but yet they cannot embrace their greatness because of a few encounters that happened 10+ years ago. The sad reality is that it then rules how they live and view their lives. I have also experienced the beauty and the magic that happens when they start to live consciously with healthy self-esteem. Relationships improve, love evolves, growth accelerates, peace and freedom prevails.
Why not you, why not me? Its time to fill up your cup with a healthy self-esteem mindset
I would like to encourage you to go back to our old blogs as I find that the lessons and advice shared on those posts is still powerful and relevant. I would like to challenge you to always share a post after you’ve read it. The idea is to touch and help as many people as possible.